Solitude

When I saw him walking towards me, I felt nothing. That was the time I realized that I didn’t love him at all. He told me afterwards, after our dinner, that I didn’t even hug him when we said goodbye. I didn’t even stop him when he was expecting me to try and make him stay an hour or two more. I couldn’t tell him that I felt nothing that time. As in nothing at all except kinda funny inside. Like I was waiting for that moment and then when it came, all I could think about was I ruined everything.

You see, when you are constantly talking to someone, exchanging lifelong dreams and crazy ideas on a daily basis, you think of that person as your soulmate. Not the cheesy one, okay? That person I am talking about could be a person of the same gender, or of the opposite sex. And no romantic angle at all. But then, you have expectations. When you finally meet him or her in person, it could either kill that feeling or seal it. The former happened to me.

I was kicking myself the whole time I was on the road home because I could have avoided that empty feeling. I could have psyched myself more. I could have chosen to be positive about the whole thing.

Then again, maybe it was really headed that way.

Aargh!