Solitude

Whenever I am alone, things from the past haunt me. Like some friends I lost because I neglected them, took them for granted. I didn’t exert any effort in keeping in touch even though they did. There are some I regret losing. Like this guy from a previous work…

Sila rin pala nagkatuluyan akalain mo!

The guy used to be a close friend. The girl was a newly-grad employee. They were being teased because the girl expressed interest in the guy. The latter was really shy when dealing with girls but I believe he loved the attention. So the girl did everything to win his heart.

I now believe that patience pays off.

She won his heart and how they have a cute little daughter!

Two of my friends will be going on a romantic getaway this week. Both are going to the beach with their boyfriends. I envy them! Not with going away with their boyfriends. But just going to the beach per se. I want to go to the beach but since I don’t have the budget to do so, I stay put at home.

Which is too bad because I can’t enjoy the sun. And I can’t do my fantasy of laying on the beach lounge near the shore, drinking a cold drink while reading a good book.

Sigh.

I used not to. I would sleep with the lights off. I even prefer the lights off in our living room and just let the glare of the tv screen and the lamp post light outside the house be the only illumination in the room. I just love the coziness of dim lights.

But when my mom got sick, she wanted bright lights and would scold us when we turned the lights off. She associated a dark room to something akin to a call to the negative. I guess it rubbed off and I now want a bright room and feels unsafe when I’m in the dark. Am I afraid of it? A little, I must admit.

Whenever I see the color RED, I think of blood. Blood in the sense that it is what ended my brother’s life. The lack of a component of it. I miss my brother. At the same time, I know he’s not meant to live a long life. He’s just too kind, for the lack of a better word. There are just those people who are sent to this world to teach us a lesson. My brother, I believe, held that purpose in life. Now, he’s taken after a short time because he’s already done his part.

The same way that I feel I might not last long in this world. I am hoping to see my siblings settled and my dad well provided for before I go. I am praying that it will happen that way.

RED. Blood. Sacrifice.

My friend just got married two weeks ago. She’s a living testament that love comes when you least expect it. Imagine finding your love across miles of ocean from your country of birth. That’s what happened to her. Mind you, the guy also came from the same country. Can you imagine that they both needed to go outside the country to meet and fall in love?

Such is love. It comes like a thief in the night. Are you ready for it when it comes knocking?

Intimacy is just at the beginning of your relationship. In the middle, you have to have a mutual respect to be able to get through the many trials that will come your way. Sooner or later, when the intimacy is gone and you two are left alone in the twilight of your life, all you have left are the conversations that will keep you going.

Photo credit: http://icanread.tumblr.com/post/329434381/by-jg-kyne

They say…

We are born to love.
- Helen Fisher

And I believe it. It doesn’t mean romantic love only. Love can also be for persons who are close to you. Your family, friends and other love ones. Yes, it can be your partner. Or it can be towards things or your pet.

Life is extremely lonely without love. I don’t even think it’s even life without it.

What do you think?

I believe I am entitled to rant once in a while, right? I am entitled to a negative feeling or two. Some people think that since I am trying to be nice to everyone, they can push their luck and try my patience. They don’t know that I am easily provoked. I can easily forgive and forget but one spark of anger in me will open a tide that will overwhelm even those who know me.

I am generally a kind person. But I can be bad. Better not push your luck!

Life is unfair.
It will never be fair unless you are on top and you are the one with the lot of blessings.
How come the rich becomes richer while the poor gets poorer each day?
How come no matter how hard you work you still won’t achieve your goals?
How come you can’t get out of the hellhole you are in when that’s all you are asking for and you are doing your share of digging out?
How come… how come… how come?

Raise your hand if you think life is giving you your fair share of blessings.

That’s what I thought.

Remember the 5 Simple Rules To Be Happy…

1. Free your heart from hatred… Forgive.
2. Free your mind form worries… Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from God.

And always keep in mind that happiness is a choice.

So, how happy are you?

Love is such a strange word when there is massive suffering around you. I know this is the thought in so many persons minds right now. With the destruction brought on by the tropical storm that hit the country, victims left and right are crying out in anger and sadness over what happened.

I am hoping that over time, every one will find it in their hearts to forgive and let go.

I am in awe of celebrity couples who really look like they found true love in each others’ arms. Ariel Rivera and Gelli de Belen is one of those couples I am talking about. Of course, I am basing this on the way they tell stories about their families. Also, on stories about them based on their friends.

I just read something about them in an issue of Good Housekeeping and I am amazed that despite being celebrities, they are hands-on when it comes to their kids. And they regard each other as partners in their marriage. Now, that’s something that should be emulated by other celebrity couples out there!

I love lavender. Anything lavender! I just noticed that sometimes, it brings loneliness instead of the sunshine I want. You might have not noticed it but look at a lavender wall, or a lavender field… it brings melancholy, don’t you think? It brings a peaceful feeling, sure. But then it also brings a wealth of emotion, some of which you can’t explain…

I think I will just read books this weekend. If and when I find the courage to go to the mall to brave the crowd, I will probably just stay an hour or two, three tops. And then I’d go back home to catch up on sleep. I’ve been lacking in that aspect of my well-being for the past few weeks now. It’s time to catch up.

And then I will probably go and organize my tons of magazines in my rack and box. These are all with “probably” in the sentences because who knows, I just might get so lazy tomorrow and end up not doing anything. Hehehe

Happy weekend!

I am a big music fan. When I work, music keeps me company. Like right now, I’ve been busy working my ass off with music on the background. A local radio station plays wonderful slow music on Wednesdays and early Thursdays. I love it! I always make sure I am tuned in during these hours/days.

Right now, Josh Groban is singing She’s Out of My Life. Ahh… Sweet music!

It reminded me of those times I was so stressed out with work, riding the bus and dreading the coming hours. I hated my job back then! But to calm me down and set things in motion for me, I would wait for a favorite song to be played on the radio and it would soothe my high-strung nerves.