Solitude

I feel like being by my lonesome tonight. Some cocktails for me. Good music playing softly, a soothing buzz from others’ conversations.

I don’t always want my family and friends around me. I don’t always want every one talking to me. There are days when being alone is best. Trust me, you need a day when you can hear yourself think. You need a day of solitude.

I remember the pitying looks I got from former co-workers whenever they saw me eating lunch by myself. They would go out of their way to invite me to eat lunch with them. I go out of my way to avoid them. I’d rather eat lunch by myself and feel the peace and quiet around me, than be surrounded by people I didn’t like at all and their needless chatter.

Yes, a solitary day is still the best from time to time.

I am not hiding the fact that I am short in funds most of the time. Despite the fact that I am earning above average income per month, I still find myself short of funds from time to time, especially during months when there are birthday celebrations of family members.

Most of my dream travel destinations stay just that. As a dream. I’ve been vocal about my wish to go to the beach. But I can’t do that yet because of lack of funds. I can probably go there myself but where’s the fun in that? I want to go to the beach with the family or even with friends. But then it will all go back to the lack of funds.

I know that there will come a time when I will have more than enough funds to finance my travel plans. Soon.

Yes, I am afraid to let go. Don’t ask me why. I have been in love a couple of times in the past. I’ve seen my share of successful marriages. But still, it’s hard for me to let myself go.

I know they say that it is better to have loved than not to have loved at all. I fell in love and every time it was a failure. Tell me, do I fall in love again just to prove how good it is to love and be loved? Do I let go and let my heart be free?

Sometimes, it’s so hard to let go of the past. It’s the one constant in your life and you just can’t get past it. You can’t move on or see the light. If you’ve been in this situation, or is currently in one, you would know what I am talking about…

I saw him again. Truth is, there’s nothing there anymore. But to see him again is to bring the past up. Nothing more than that. I just miss the old times. That’s it.

I am ready to let go of the past now. Thank you very much.

I feel like a teen crushing on Joe Jonas. I really love this guy’s looks! My sister was teasing me about my crush on this younger man. Hey, it’s just a crush! It’s not like I am turning into a cougar already, right? Yikes! I am still young to be like that.

The guy has a great bod, by the way. I’ve seen a video of them on tour and wow! The guy has a potential. *winks*

I love the idea of being in love!

Whenever I hear songs that touches my heart, I have this longing to share it with someone I am intimate with. Of course, that’s just an idea. The ex is not a music lover but we got along just fine. And I didn’t share with him songs that I like because I know he wouldn’t appreciate it.

I have an active imagination. I have an ideal man in my mind. I have things I want to share with him. I have ways on how to make him feel loved. I even have photos of us being sweet and cuddly…

After the song ends, I go back to the idea of being single is still the best for me. For now.

My sister turned 29 today. Still single like me. All four of us sisters (a brother is still in college) are still single. I think it’s safe to say that we are not averse to the idea of getting married. It’s just that we are more inclined to enjoy life being a single woman. I guess that’s more like it.

My sister has a boyfriend and they’ve been together for four years already, if I am not mistaken. But both are still enjoying just being boyfriend and girlfriend. They’re already planning for the future but marriage is not yet in the near horizon.

I wonder if my brother, who’s just 17, will be the first one to get married… probably a few years after college. Give or take 2 years. Haha!

I have never been afraid of a future of single blessedness. I know that I can take care of myself. I am not bitter about it. I can manage on my own. I have no problems with that idea whatsoever.

Some people regret it, on my behalf. But I tell them that I am happy. I am content.

Nobody believes me.

Do I look like I need some TLC from a man?

What I thought was an end turned out to be a middle.
What I thought was a brick wall turned out to be a tunnel…
- Tony Hoagland

Someday, I will be out of that tunnel and be in the sunlight once more. It ain’t easy but I know I can do it.

Only I need to have faith in me.

To say that I am happy for my friend is an understatement. I am overjoyed for her! She deserves whatever good she’s getting now from a very new relationship. They’re still dating but the guy is obviously enamored by her. Imagine going all the way to the country from across the world to be with her…

I just pray that the guy won’t change. It’s difficult when you are in an inter-cultural relationship. There are times you don’t know what to expect. I know that my friend can carry the relationship, if need be. And the guy seems like a good person. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that when the guy goes back to his country, it will be sweeter for them.

Yes, there are days when I want to be alone… When I would love some peace and quiet for both my body and soul. Prayers help. But a serene place where I can commune with nature is even better. I talk to Him wherever I am but when it’s quiet, I can “hear” Him more.

I’m in need of some alone time. Soon.

Somebody once told me that a guy is intimidated with a woman who knows so much, can do a lot of things, even those that are considered a man’s expertise. And I do intimidate men. I told that person that if I have to be involved, I’d rather not with someone who’s seeing the shadow looming behind me, rather than the person creating that shadow.

Get to know the superwoman. Do not be intimidated by her. She can know everything, be good at every little thing a man can do. But she also needs to be loved, to be respected, to be attended to. She needs a man’s touch. She needs to be taken cared of, believe it or not.

There is more to a superwoman than meets the eye. She’s also vulnerable at times, weak in some ways. Love her as much as the damsel in distress. And she’ll give you the same kind of happiness.

Trust me on that.

I am currently obsessing over HBO’s True Blood. I am loving some vampire stories I’ve read so far. Charlaine Harris’ The Southern Vampire Mysteries, The Vampire Diaries by L.J. Smith, and of course, The Twilight Saga of Stephenie Meyer.

But as of the moment, True Blood, the tv adaptation of book one, Dead Until Dark, from the Harris’ The Southern Vampire Mysteries series.

Yahoo Launchcast has been really good to me. Whenever I don’t feel like listening to a local radio station, I tune in to Launchcast. I frequent the following stations: Quiet Storm, The Coffeehouse, Lite Office Music, Soft Pop and Adult Alternative. Depending on my mood, I tune in to any of these stations.

Right now, I am listening to songs in the Quiet Storm station. Perfect for keeping me company while I have my thinking cap on.

But when I feel like I need wake myself up, expect me to tune in to Adult Alternative. Lifehouse, Three Doors Down, Goo Goo Dolls, Nickelback and the others are perfect company if you want to shake yourself out of stupor or shake off the drowsiness seeping in your bones.

In a lazy afternoon, The Coffeehouse is perfect! And the other stations, again, depending on my mood.

Thanks, Launchcast!

I had this co-worker who was not handsome but looks like a very intelligent person. When he speaks, he exudes confidence. He is smart and very witty. I loved hearing his voice when he comes to our department. I didn’t speak to him directly everytime but just hearing him talk to any one from the department was enough for me.

There was this seminar where he’s the speaker and all managers were required to attend. Before the seminar, he kept playing John Legend’s Ordinary People. Love that song! Now, whenever I hear it, only one person comes to mind.

Him.